2nd place in Derby #290: New Secret Societies with 292 votes!
Here’s my pitch for a sweet new time travel movie! Opening scene: there’s a dinosaur walking down Madison Avenue and everyone’s like, “Holy crap, a dinosaur!” except for one or two people who’re all like, “What do you expect from a crazy city like New York?” And you’re watching and you’re like LOL! until those people get eaten, then you know the dinosaur is for serious.
Cut to a college class where a total mega-nerd professor is giving a chemistry lesson. A janitor runs in through the door, and says, “Ronnie! We gotta move!” and Ronnie is like, “But my students!” and then there’s a quick cut to the students who are all asleep! And you’re watching and you’re like LOL! and this time the LOL! moment is not immediately followed by people getting eaten, so you can enjoy it fully.
Anyway, the janitor and the professor, who it’s clear are total bros despite their perceived intellectual differences, are running through the hallway, and into a janitor’s closet, where there are two other dudes, a firefighter and a surfer, waiting. These four bros are the Time Busters, a secret organization that solves crimes using time travel. Their theme song goes, “Who you gonna call? Time Busters.” But it sounds totally different than the Ghost Busters one, like the notes aren’t the same or anything, and maybe it’s played on a cello?
Anyway, Ronnie, or Ronald as he likes to go by because it’s sounds more professor-y, says, “What’s the big idea?” and the firefighter, who’s named Ed, says, “We got a major problem on our hands! A T-Rex is loose!” and then the surfer, whose name is Stu, goes, “Ah, brah! You called us here for a t-rex? I thought you said Tex-Mex! I’m starvin’, brah!” And you’re watching and you’re like LOL! until the roof comes off and there’s the T-Rex and it totally eats these four guys, so if you’re keeping score, that’s 2 out of 3 LOL! moments ending in people getting eaten by dinosaurs.
Anyway, that’s, like, ten minutes into the movie. The rest is about human society adjusting to the threat of prehistoric creatures. BTW, when I said, “Here’s my pitch for a sweet new time travel movie” I meant “movie that vaguely references time travel a little in the beginning.”
What do you think?
Text by Shirt.Woot
